


The Wayfinder Trio Attempts to Enjoy a Nice Peaceful Breakfast and Fails Because Vanitas Has Decided to Stop Being Evil and Start Simping

by KeybladeCryptography



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Food, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mostly comedy I promise, Murder Mystery, References to Ven being Strelitzia's killer, he is not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:48:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27076759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeybladeCryptography/pseuds/KeybladeCryptography
Summary: :)LIKE COMMENT SUBSCRIBEI'm kidding, I'm kidding. Sometimes I make bad content guys. I'm having a good time.Yell at me onTwitter.
Relationships: Aqua & Terra & Vanitas & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts), Aqua & Terra & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts), Strelitzia/Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	The Wayfinder Trio Attempts to Enjoy a Nice Peaceful Breakfast and Fails Because Vanitas Has Decided to Stop Being Evil and Start Simping

A creeping darkness pools on the kitchen floor next to the dishwasher and curves up to the height of the refrigerator. Terra, Aqua, and Ventus gulp down another spoonful of oatmeal. The latter two groan in unison. Terra pinches the bridge of his nose, sighs deeply and offers a strained but no less genuine smile. Vanitas tumbles out of the dark corridor with entirely too much flailing and hand-waving that separates Aqua’s favorite magnet from the fridge. Terra places a hand on her shoulder.

“Good morning!” Vanitas yells. “Are you having breakfast? Did you make me some?”

“There’s still some leftovers on the stove. The brown sugar is in the pantry,” Terra says. He’s a tired man.

“Cool,” Vanitas says. He shuffles over to the pantry, pours way too much sugar in the pot, and begins to eat his oatmeal by the handful. Aqua’s eye twitches as she watches globs of oaty goodness ruin her kitchen floor, only to be licked up by a particularly scrawny flood. Maybe she should have everyone change their names and move to Twilight Town. “I have an announcement,” Vanitas says with his mouth full.

“Whatever it is, the answer is no,” Ventus says.

Vanitas pouts. “Oh come now my dear other half, do you trust me so little?”

“Considering how much of our relationship is based on murder, I’m gonna go with a ‘no’.”

Vanitas pouts, or tries to at any rate, before once again baring his teeth in a sticky smile. “Speaking of murder-”

“Please don’t finish that sentence,” Aqua says.

“-my announcement is that I have a girlfriend.”

Aqua puts her face in her hands and then bolts upright and marches over to her uninvited guest. “What did you do?!”

Vanitas hops away and miraculously manages not to trip on the flood following him around. “Wait, wait, wait, I could have worded that better. I have not acquired a girlfriend by committing murder.”

“Do we have orange juice?” Ventus asks.

“Middle left shelf,” Terra says.

“Thanks.”

“Why should I believe you?” Aqua asks. “How did you even get a girlfriend? What girl would want to date you?”

“She does apparently! She’s sweet and soft-spoken and knows a lot about flowers for some reason and she actually appreciates my Unversed, unlike some people, and she’s really pretty-”

“That’s nice, Vanitas,” Terra says. “What’s her name?”

“Strelitzia!”

Ventus drops his glass of orange juice. Chirithy appears out of thin air to put the glass in the sink. “Don’t panic, Ven,” Chirithy says, waving their little arms and clearly panicking. The flood bats at their ear and they squeak and flip onto the top of the cabinets. The flood whines and begins to gnaw on the table leg until Aqua picks it up by the scruff of the neck and relocates it.

“Vanitas,” Ventus says. “Which Strelitzia?”

“Uh, red hair, green eyes, supposedly murdered thousands of years ago. What other Strelitzia would it be?”

“She can’t be your girlfriend!” Ventus says. He marches back over to the dining table and angrily munches on a piece of toast. 

Vanitas places a hand on his hip and slouches because he thinks it looks cool but really he just has bad posture. “Why not?”

“Because we might have murdered her, duh!” Ventus says.

“Ven?!” Aqua asks. All she wanted was a peaceful Saturday morning breakfast. Why must the universe torment her at every turn?

Terra stirs his oatmeal. 

“Everyone stay calm,” Chirithy says, voice shrill and rotund body wobbling, the opposite of calm.

“Okay, you might have murdered her. I’m going to hold her hand and buy her flowers and eat snacks with her. I didn’t exist yet so it’s not my problem.” Vanitas steals Ventus’s half-finished piece of toast and gets crumbs all over his face and the floor.

“Ven would never murder anyone!” Aqua says. “Right, Terra?”

“Right,” Terra says.

Vanitas scoffs. “Who knows. If he did, he did a pretty poor job considering the person he murdered is alive. And the nicest person ever. And my girlfriend.”

“But I’m telling you, she can’t be your girlfriend. It is your problem because you were the darkness in my heart, so you were technically there.”

Vanitas waves his hand. “Technicalities. Doesn’t count.”

“Can’t we at least talk about this?!” 

Vanitas tilts his head, grasps his chin, and sneers. “Sounds lame and you’re not changing my mind. Thanks for breakfast. Seeya when I seeya, bye losers.” A dark corridor forms in the middle of the microwave cart. The flood scurries through and Vanitas follows after it.

Terra, Aqua, and Ventus groan in unison.

“I’m sure you didn’t murder anyone,” Aqua says. She pats Ventus’s back. “Though, I’m worried for this Strelitzia girl . . .”

Terra ruffles his hair and Ventus slouches. Now he knows where Vanitas gets his bad posture from. “Don’t be, she can handle herself and is apparently also immortal or something.”

Terra and Aqua exchange looks over Ventus’s head, (not-so-)mature adults that they are. “Want to go to the courtyard and hit things?” Terra asks.

Ventus nods. “Yeah. That sounds great.”

—

"Chirithy, be honest with me. Did I murder or attempt to murder Strelitzia?" Ventus asks, later that night.

Chirithy chitters. They shake their head and fall off the bed with a muffled thud. They do not make any effort to change this position. "Remember Master Ava?"

Ventus frowns. "Kinda?"

"Oh boy. This is going to be a long story. Well-"

**Author's Note:**

> :)  
> LIKE COMMENT SUBSCRIBE  
> I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Sometimes I make bad content guys. I'm having a good time.  
> Yell at me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/CrepusculeChaos).


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